On a Mother's Love

I was just listening to a song from a mix-CD I burned when I was pregnant with Addelyn.  There's a song on it called "In My Daughter's Eyes" by Martina McBride.  The first line in is this:  "In my daughter's eyes I am a hero.  I am strong and wise and I know no fear."  And I got to thinking...why is that?  I don't doubt that it's true, because I feel the same way about my mother, so why wouldn't Addelyn feel that way about me?  But in this case, surely it's not justified, right?  Me...be strong?  I can't bench-press my own weight and I cry at movies that aren't even sad.  How could I be considered wise?  I go through most of my life these days guessing at how to be what I'm supposed to be - a good parent.  And I'm certainly far from knowing no fear:  I'm the girl who quakes with fear when anything with more than 6 legs is nearby.  So what reason would Addelyn have to hold me on a pedestal?

And then I realized...it's because I am all of those things.  When I am with Addelyn.  When I'm around my daughter I could do anything it takes to protect her - body and soul.  I feel like a super-hero I have such quick reflexes (yesterday I caught her when she dove off of her chair head-first.  She didn't even touch the floor).  I no longer feel the false limitations my mind puts on my muscles and suddenly I could lift a car off of her if I needed to.  I make all of my parenting decisions with confidence and without hesitation.

But most of all, I am fearless.  My flight reflex turns into a fight reflex and I go from scared little girl to a force to be reckoned with.  For instance, I was taking Addelyn out for a walk one day and saw a dog running at us full-speed.  I couldn't tell whether it was being aggressive or friendly, but my mind just fully kicked into fight mode.  I put myself between the dog and Addelyn's stroller, faced the dog, and waited what seemed like forever for the dog to cross the street.  I wasn't even scared; I wasn't thinking about how the dog could hurt me or whether I would be able to protect Addelyn from it if it tried to go around me straight to her, because failure wasn't even a possiblilty in my mind.  There was no reason to be afraid because there was no doubt that I would succeed.  (The dog ended up being friendly, so all turned out well).  It just amazed me how calm I was able to be.  It seems that way every time Addelyn is in danger.  I never get the adrenaline-rush I always thought I'd get - that rush of fear that says we're in danger.  I just do what needs to be done in the situation without hesitation or emotion - when I'm with Addelyn, I know no fear.  (Unless there's a spider near us...then I'm still kinda scared as long as it's far enough away from Addelyn and she's not in immediate danger :-)